Don't bother with resolutions

A short note for the start of 2024 on how to get acquainted with the gentler cousin of a "resolution"

Ok, let me clarify. I don't mean we shouldn't have goals or direction. I think it's important whether personal, business, spiritual or health related or any combination thereof.

In the last month I went on a six day hike through the Tramuntana mountains on Mallorca (a LOT of thinking time), and then spent a few days during what I call Twixtmas (that no man's land few days before the New Year is upon us) looking gently upon the year gone by, and thinking about how I might want 2024 to be different.  

One thing I'd like to be different is not disappointing myself. One way to do that is to avoid resolutions. Resolutions (to me) sound like things that are hard and immoveable. Like rules. And I don't very much like rules. I prefer guidelines. And I prefer the gentler cousin to a resolution which is an intention.  

"Resolving" to do something (or not to do something) is ignoring the process of how we might get to the goal. I intend to finish this book I'm writing. I intend to build small and better habits. I intend to be kinder to myself. I intend to celebrate the positives instead of berating myself for the missteps. I intend to begin things (actually starting new things/ideas is sometimes the hardest part).

With "intentions," if I happen to stumble along the way then it's not an automatic failure. A new year's resolution to write every day or work out 3 times a week, means that if I happen to miss a day for any reason then the resolution feels like it should be filed under "failed" and once you've failed at something, it's very hard to pick back up and carry on. As humans we find that hard. And if we've linked it to a start date like January 1st which is not coming around for another year, then it's even harder. But a missed day of an intention is just that ... a missed day. So what?

In 2023, I intended to do more outside activities and maybe hike more. I intended to be a support to my kids and never be too busy to be there for them. I intended to make more friends in the new country we live in. And what I achieved in 2023 in that regard far surpassed my intentions. If I’d said, in 2023 I resolve to hike every month or week and train for a 6 day hike (way outside of my comfort zone), I would have given up immediately. Weekends became so busy with my kid being on three different basketball teams, that I couldn’t commit to the weekly hiking group I’d joined. That resolution would have been a failure. But my intention still stood, and so I hiked here and there when we could. I signed up for a ladies hike one day with a bunch of people I didn’t know. And I didn’t overthink the 6 day hike, or stress about whether I had trained enough for it (I hadn’t), I just went on it. And it was amazing. And I was able to be really damned proud of myself for finishing it. (Drop me a note/comment if you want me to outline the itinerary so you can stick it on your bucket list).

The point is, you don’t have to be a goal-driven, resolution stickler to achieve great things. You just have to be kind to yourself, and not set yourself up for failure. Once you have your intentions, that’s when you need to sprinkle a little magic sauce on them.

My magic sauce way is to save or cut out pictures of things that represent them whenever you come across something that makes you think of them. A vision board, if you will. But also to spend a few minutes (whenever you remember to) in quiet contemplation over what it will feel like when you are fulfilling your intention. <~ this last one I have found to be the most powerful. What does it feel like in your future body to stand on top of a mountain you climbed

with an incredible view laid before you and the breeze in your hair? What does it feel like when your future self finishes the last edits on a book and sends it off in an email to that agent/publisher/arc team or whatever? Or what will it feel like when you feel clearheaded and focused because you stopped drinking so much? What will it feel like to slip into those jeans you’re keeping that are a size smaller and know that your body feels healthier and stronger? What will it feel like when you press send on that last debt/credit card/loan payment? Whatever your intention is for yourself, let yourself feel the effect of it. Once you do that, you have direction. And that feels amazing!

Happy New Year!